both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm like, not good at living.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
