She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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