You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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