i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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