There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
