Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
