Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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