Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
