break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
