I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
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