please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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