i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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