Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
