omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
