I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
