Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
