3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
