im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
