Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
