So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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