I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
