you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
How's work?
Spinning.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
