i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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