I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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