Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
