He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
