Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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