1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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