I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
