Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
