if you like me you must not know who I am
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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