My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
