you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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