Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
