a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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