He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
