what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
