The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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