yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
