Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
