you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
