Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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