toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
