I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
