just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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