I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
