I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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