On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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