I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
