You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
