they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
